


Float

by mhunter10



Series: Trans Mickey [2]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Trans, Angst, Blood, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sexual Tension, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-19 21:05:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8224769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mhunter10/pseuds/mhunter10
Summary: Mickey has a hard time on his first date with Ian, but realizes it's okay to let go.





	

**Author's Note:**

> *may contain triggers*

“Shit” Mickey whispered, although it echoed against the cold tiles of the bathroom and sounded louder. It had taken him two tries to find a family/handicapped one and now he was staring down at an angry red spot in his shorts. He sucked his teeth. If he did something about it now maybe he could save them. He wiped and, yeah okay, he should have known. He looked at the metal box with the coin slot nearly falling off the wall, empty and mocking him like “now who’s a boy?”

He was fucked.

He stood and flushed, then went to work removing his shorts and underwear. He went over to the sink and turned the knob for the cold water. As he scrubbed at the blood furiously, he looked up at himself in the mirror. He looked like a pant-less psycho cleaning up after a kill.

He looked back down at the slightly lighter, but smeared stain. “Fuck.”

There was a soft knock at the door.

“Everything okay, Mickey?” Ian’s voice came through, thick with concern.

“Fine!” Mickey yelled back quickly, cursing himself for not insisting Ian just wait at the food court. He smashed the button for the hand dryer and held his wet boy shorts under it, shaking them under the weak heat.

After a while they were still a little damp, but he couldn’t stay in there all day no matter how bad he wanted to now. There was no way he could go out there and expect Ian not to ask questions. And what would he say? “Oops, sprung a leak”?

He laughed a little at that, clearly delirious from the uncomfortable tightness that was starting to bloom just below his stomach. He groaned.

“Mickey?” Ian again.

Mickey had to admit, he liked that the kid cared. In fact, he liked it a lot. In the weeks since Ian had chased off Ricky and his gang, he and Mickey had hung out more. Well, outside of work, but at work things were different. Instead of spending the day mopping and trying not to punch peoples faces in, he spent it mopping and talking with Ian. They even had a game going where a lot of money was on the table for some ridiculous scenarios. Mickey smiled more, laughed more. And he didn’t care so much when people stared or said “excuse me, miss”.

Mandy teased him about it endlessly, claiming she knew Ian had a thing for him, but Mickey knew she was happy for him. She screamed when he told her they were going to the mall together today, making their dad yell and Mickey blush furiously. He insisted they were just going to do some shopping as friends, but his sister insisted it was a date. Mickey denied it but now, standing in a mall bathroom with his ass hanging out, he couldn’t help but smile at the fact a guy like Ian Gallagher was standing outside the door waiting for him.

“Coming!” he shouted, stuffing a wad of toilet tissue in his underwear and pulling up his shorts. He pulled his big baggy shirt down as far as it would go and took a breath.

He opened the door and stepped out to find an angry mother with a baby in a stroller and two other small children who seemed to be covered in chocolate.

Mickey cleared his throat, “My bad.”

He found Ian sitting on a bench. He got up when Mickey got nearer.

“What happened?” he asked, handing Mickey his shopping bag.

Mickey shrugged, starting to walk past windows of clothes and shoes and the latest vibrating Bluetooth accessible whatever. He was concentrating on keeping a straight face as he felt the dreadful drip between his legs.

Ian caught up quickly, those damn long legs. He was calm and didn’t push. “Ok. Want to go to the arcade or catch a movie or something?”

Mickey stopped and shoved his hands in his pockets. He looked at Ian and wondered what he saw, how he really felt being seen out with him. His green eyes flashed hopefully and Mickey really wanted to say something that would make him smile. He loved when Ian did that because it was always genuine. He liked that about Ian. You couldn’t always tell what he was thinking, but he didn’t hide what he was feeling when he wanted you to know.

“I gotta get home” Mickey said, watching people pass them like they were on a mission to lose the most money. He didn’t want to see the look on Ian’s face.

“Oh. Okay, yeah, sure.”

Mickey hated himself, shifting uncomfortably. He had a headache, and if he was honest, he was suddenly really sleepy. They kept walking in silence, occasionally moving closer together to let people pass. Mickey told himself Ian wasn’t intentionally staying by him when there was no one around. Then Ian stopped.

“Mm, you have to try these cookies. They’re the best in the mall” he said, walking up to the counter of a random bakery kiosk.

Mickey laughed nervously when Ian turned to smile at him after ordering. He came back over and held a giant chocolate chip cookie to his mouth.

“Bite.”

Mickey was probably as red as the blood currently leaking through his shoddy pad, but he opened his mouth and took a big bite. He chewed slowly, as Ian’s eyes flicked between his own and his lips.

“Good, right?”

Mickey nodded, wiping at his face because he was sure it had chocolate all over it. He watched Ian take an even bigger bite, catching crumbs with his tongue, and didn’t hesitate when he held the cookie back to his mouth.

“That’s fucking good, man” Mickey said with his mouth full, licking his fingers. “What’s in it, crack?”

Ian chuckled as he led them out the exit and to the bus that would take them back to their shitty neighborhood. “I heard heroine.”

Mickey smacked his lips dramatically and nodded seriously. “Oh yes, I taste it now.”

Ian laughed and it was the greatest sound ever.

The bus was full by the time they got on.

“Work crowd. Move towards the back” Ian said, ushering him forward gently.

Mickey pulled his shirt down nervously and tried not to look at anyone directly, lest they discover him. Ian seemed to notice and kept close, although it wasn’t like he had any other choice. There were no seats left, not that Mickey felt like sitting in a mess anyway.

Ian easily grabbed the overhead bar, while Mickey tried to get a good sturdy footing without spreading his legs too much. Easier said than done because as soon as the bus started to move he lost his balance and almost fell back. Ian grabbed him by the waist with his free hand.

“I gotcha” he said only loud enough for Mickey to hear.

And Jesus, the combination of his eyes and the way his strong hand gripped him tight, Mickey’s body was screaming its betrayal.

Mickey didn’t know whether he was grateful he didn’t have a penis at that moment, or extremely angry. He was confused. He hated it. He couldn’t think straight right now…or ever really. So instead he just let whatever was happening happen, and floated somewhere between happy and horny.

Ian didn’t make it easy for him though, pressing him close to him so they moved together as the bus jostled. By the time they reached their stop, Mickey was throbbing shamefully and practically ran off the bus. Anything to get away from the too hot, slightly sweaty hardness that was his redheaded coworker.

It was late, the sun just beginning to set.

Mickey felt like crying as they walked towards his house.

In fact, he fucking did.

“Fuckin’ a” he winced, as the tears broke free. His nose started to run and he really wanted a cigarette.

“Hey, hey whoa” Ian grabbed his shoulder and made him face him. He looked heartbroken and worried.

“I’m sorry, it’s…just I…my…” Mickey hated that his voice was so high.

“Is this about earlier?” Ian was rubbing his shoulder a little, but Mickey couldn’t handle it anymore. He pulled away. “I’m sorry, Mickey.”

“No, Ian, I had a really good time today. Like, for real. That hasn’t happened in a long time, ever since…” he choked up, feeling a disgusting gush right on cue.

“I had a great time, too” Ian said, smiling despite his concern. He looked like he wanted to reach out, but he kept his hands by his side.

Mickey swallowed hard, forcing back the swell he felt just from how much effort Ian put into making him feel comfortable and safe and acknowledged.

“I’m gay, Ian.”

Ian waited for him to say more, but then just nodded. “Okay.”

Mickey wiped at his face with his shirt. “I’m gay, but I’m fucking bleeding out right now.”

Ian looked at him. “Oh”

They were quiet for a while, just taking in their surroundings. The street lamps were coming on now and they’d stopped right at the alley by the Kash and Grab.

“I just want to feel normal” Mickey said to the space between them.

“I know” Ian said.

“You do, huh?” Mickey challenged, sniffing back snot.

“Yeah. I do” Ian gave him a look that made him stand a little straighter. A beat passed where it seemed like Ian was waiting for something, but whether it was for Mickey to say something he’d never know because he seemed to give up and just kissed him instead.

It wasn’t a long kiss, but it was long enough for Mickey to react.

He made a surprised sound in his raw throat, and wished the increased levels of estrogen in his body hadn’t made him cry.

The throbbing sprung back to life instantly, and Mickey felt shame and delight and it was everything he hated about his life since the day he realized things didn’t match up inside him. The day he realized he was fucked up twice-over was one he relived on a daily basis. Some days just happened to be better than others, and he didn’t hate himself so much.

But right now, he felt good all over.

His body was doing that thing he was used to where it floated between feeling and not feeling. It simultaneously lifted and grounded him, so he was free to just be.

Ian pulled away and seemed to be drifting in and out of his own dreamy world.

Mickey had to admit it was hella cute, especially with all his freckles looking like constellations.

“You should get home” he said softly.

Mickey nodded. “Yeah.”

He walked into his house, passing his arguing brothers, passed out father and Mandy demanding every detail. He wasn’t ready to tell her everything, not tonight anyway. He went to his room and drifted around as he got ready for bed. Ian’s second kiss still tingled on his cheek.  
He dumped his purchases from his bag but noticed something else. He picked up a giftwrapped box and stared at it, panic stirring as he wondered if he had the wrong bag. But it was everything he bought, he was sure. He ripped the paper and opened the box.

It was a watch like Ian’s, but dark blue instead of black.

And Mickey knew it wasn’t a mistake.


End file.
